The Hannah Way | Series Part 3
Hey Readers, welcome back to The Hannah Way Series. I am so grateful for your presence, I see you all and I appreciate those of you who reach out and send encouraging words and prayers during this journey.
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Alright you guys so it has been 4 months since my diagnosis, and 3 1/2 years of trying for a baby with my husband. My mental state during this time has been fluctuating between whether or not we will be blessed enough to have the number of children we would like to have or if we will only be blessed to have one. Today, I wouldn’t mind if it were just one baby but I know in later weeks I will be praying that the Lord allows me to have 2 or 3. It just depends on the day. I am still taking the medication to help slow down the growth of the tissue until my next surgery. I don’t have any major side effects except for overheating. It has become something my husband and I laugh about because he enjoys staying cool and I normally prefer heat. As of late, I have been sharing his fan with him and sometimes even taking it over haha! It can happen at any point in the day for me and he is always there with jokes. One day I yelled at him for not having HIS fan oscillating so that I can feel it…when I tell you we both fell out laughing, we really did. It gets bad you guys. It’s an internal heat that creeps up on me here and there. I thank God it isn’t constant or else my husband would probably get sick of my shenanigans.
Outside of the medication, I did schedule my next surgery. I was referred to specialists who will be able to tackle the scarring much better than my first doctor was able to. I was ordered to go in for an MRI so that they can see everywhere the tissue has overgrown. I can tell you that my case is pretty severe. I’m considered to have stage 4 endometriosis. After seeing the X-rays, I spoke with my doctor about what surgery will look like for me and it looks like I will be having another surgery team in there as well to tackle the areas where the endometriosis has attached itself to other organs she isn’t trained to touch. It’s getting real out here. When I heard that, I guess I expected it. I will be meeting someone from the various departments to get acquainted and to see if the surgery date that I have already scheduled will work for them. If it does not, we’ll need to reschedule the surgery date for everyone to be able to have all hands on deck.
Am I nervous? No. My first surgery has taken care of the nerves, I know what to expect leading up to the surgery. My recovery may be more intense though. What would have been a 2 week recovery could turn into a 6-8 week recovery period for me if all goes well on the table. My husband and I have so far planned what the two weeks of recovery will look like but of course things can change once I hear from the additional doctors. We plan to be in our new home for recovery so making sure our furniture is already there and set up for me to come home and just rest is the goal. We’re hoping my grand mother can come back to help out for when my husband has to go back to work as well. We are planning early and trying to be as efficient as we can be so that my body can just do what it’s meant to do, which is rest.
It’s bittersweet. To have this kind of journey to motherhood has been extremely humbling. It makes me think about what it means to be a woman. To be considered as one of the women who struggle with pregnancy is something that the enemy tries to hold over my head. On my low days I think about it more than I should but I never let it get me down. I remember Hannah’s story and find strength. I look at how God used people time and time again throughout scripture to do miracles and I find strength. I don’t know how God is going to make me a mother but I know that he will. I have too many dreams, too many prophecies and too many prayers going up on my behalf to think otherwise. It’s just not an option for me. And again, motherhood is my desire but if I am meant to be a mother figure in a child’s life, I am fine with that too. Who am I to question God?
If I let the enemy win in my mind, then I give God no faith to work with. If I tell myself that I’ll never be a mother, then I quit believing that the body God gave me to birth children just cannot do it. It can. It will, Lord willing. Today is a good day. By the time this blog is posted, I pray that day is a good day too. I look forward to bringing our baby home, raising them in our house, allowing my siblings to meet their new niece or nephew etc. etc. I see it. My husband and I bought a onesie last year in faith that we will have our baby wearing it one day. We just believe. So as I am moving forward toward surgery and recovery, I ask that you believe God with us. There’s never too much prayer or encouragement. Until then, I make sure to squeeze my nieces and nephews. I love them all, on both sides and it is always a pleasure when new ones are born. I don’t get sad or envious either. I’m wrapping my head around my baby being one of the youngest in the family but that just means they’ll have big cousins to look up to and be protected by.
Thank you all for supporting my blogs. Again, feel free to sign up through email for new blogs. Also if you want to further support our journey (and help a sista with these hospital bills) please check out my merch store. There is currently something there in various colors for everyone but new designs and pieces will be coming out for the winter and fall seasons. It all blesses my family in big ways. Until next time, GOD BLESS YOU!