The Hannah Way Series part 2

Hello Readers! Welcome back, this week we’re continuing with the Hannah Way Series

Documenting my journey to motherhood has been really refreshing for me. It allows me to place my feelings into one space so that many years later I can look back and see what God has done. Since my diagnosis, I’ve been embracing what my church likes to call “who knows” faith. This is a kind of faith that says “hey God, I don’t know how you are going to work this thing out in my life but I’m believing that in whatever way you do it, it will be for my good.” I think it’s a healthy perspective to adopt because if you are the kind of person who worries first before praying then you know that things will work out…just after you’ve panicked. If I allow myself to panic in regards to whether or not I will be able to carry my own children, it just might break me. So I don’t. I have “who knows” faith.

If you know me in real life, you know that my greatest desire was always to be a wife and a mother. It wasn’t until my adulthood and really my marriage to my incredible husband that I began to see myself as a business woman, an entrepreneur, a visionary. But the seven year old ‘dyah’ still wants that baby so in this experience I’ve been tested with the big ‘IF’. If God chooses me not to be a mother, will I still serve Him with everything in me? After loads of prayer and looking at scripture, my answer will still be ‘yes’. Combing over this question is not me believing or owning that I will never be a mother but it is me being honest and asking myself where my heart is. With a case like mine, I recognize that it is a set up for God to amaze the doctors and for me to see Him in a completely different way than I’ve ever seen Him before, but what if His will is different for me? A lot of us don’t like to think of things like this. We don’t like to think that God’s will for our lives could look like something other than what we expect it to be. We know motherhood to look one way but there are plenty of other ways that women are impactful in the lives of children that still deem them mother figures. And that is what I had to grapple with. Will I still live for God if he does not call me to be a mother but a mother figure in someone else’s life? And again I say ‘yes’.

My answer is yes for multiple reasons but the main reason is because I know there is no one else to go to if I left the Lord. Where would I go? There is only one true and living God. His name is Yahweh. If I left God, I am relinquishing my soul to a wandering spirit. People who have denounced Jesus Christ as the Son of God become spirits who are stuck wandering for truth. That is why there is a million other false gods that they have to go to in order to receive what Yahweh can give them by Himself. They have to worship gods of fertility and gods of protection, gods of wisdom and gods of fortune which offer limited levels of temporary relief for a person through power, but costs them their soul and the generations of souls in their lineage thereafter. In the end, they become nothing more than a tormented slave of an entity who cannot even save itself from the torment they experience. I’m good. If I have to cry, I will cry at the feet of Jesus. If I have to be angry, I will give God my anger. If I feel less than a woman, I will sit in the lap of my Heavenly Father and tell Him all about it. God is no less good if I find that I am unable to. He is still a good father because I know that He has plans for my life that are bigger and greater than my imagination…and I want what He has for me.

So here I am, currently taking medication to help reduce inflammation and slow the growth of the tissue down while awaiting the date of my next procedure. I recently spoke to a specialist who gave me some reassuring news in the midst of this rollercoaster which for me turned into a mini testimony. She said typically with severe endometriosis cases, the quality of ovaries and eggs are affected as a result. She expected my levels to be sitting at a 1.5 but after looking at the levels my previous doctor gave her from my last procedure, my levels are at a 4.7. This indicates that my ovaries are still in excellent condition. I thanked God. She said “we have great analysis from you and from your husband, now all we have to do is put them together”. I laughed. God is amazing. For one, to have endometriosis for years upon years with no indication about it is a blessing because I could have experienced chronic pelvic pain and a host of other symptoms that made the quality of my life miserable..but God. For two, my ovaries could have been getting attacked by this disease which could have given me an even greater percentage of infertility after my second procedure…but God.

There is still so much to be thankful for even with a diagnosis like this. I trust God with the specialists, the procedures, the medication I’m taking and with my reproductive organs. I just trust God. I believe I will be able to carry my children and I believe I will be able to deliver them. It’s as simple as that. Before I go, I want to touch on one more thing. Just because people take medication or seek out information from medical professionals does not mean that their faith in God is not strong. In fact, it was a physician who wrote the Book of Acts in the Bible. A book that I cannot get enough of. His name was Luke. He was a medical professional in his day and was able, by the power of God, to write two books in the Bible that we as believers stand ten toes down on to this day. All doctors are not the devil. There are doctors who God trusts to do things in the earth; therefore, be at peace. We don’t see Luke denouncing medicine and leaving his profession because he saw the power of God moving and transforming lives. If I had to guess, he did his job as a physician and recorded the many miracles we read about. The point is, no matter the profession, God can use anyone and anything for His glory.

In God, we have everything that we need and as long as we don’t make an idol out of medicine or out of the doctors report and place them above the power of God, we are alright. I’m sure Luke believed that the medicines and remedies he prescribed to his patients were good and helpful, but he believed God’s healing power even more. That’s the heart posture we need to have. We have to believe that God can do whatever He wants to do and He can use whoever he wants to use. Don’t let medicine spook you and don’t let medicine rule you. It’s your choice. The things we go through can be there for the purpose of someone else to be able to witness the power of God and believe. A very special woman at my church sat me down and reminded me of something when she found put about my diagnosis. She said “Do not lay down at the report of the doctor. Sickness and disease is not ours to keep. Bring this situation to the courtroom of heaven and you see what the Lord will do in this situation. If you want to take the medicines and do the surgeries, that is your choice but remember who your God is and do not believe the report of the doctor above your God.” That is what I will leave with you all. Whatever the situation, do not believe it above the Lord your God.

As always, please leave a comment down below and let me know if this blessed you in any way. Until next time, God bless you!