Grace to Grow

Hey readers! Happy New Year and welcome back to another blog entry!

As most of you know, my birthday is coming up in February and I will be 30 years old. I wanted to take the time to flush out what I am feeling and how I see God moving in my life. For me, it’s important that I reflect on my 20’s because I am someone who enjoys reading those old journal entries and remembering the girl that wrote them. Just the other day, I found a letter that I wrote to myself back when I was 18 years old. I wrote it for my 28 year old self and opened it up to answer some of the questions I left myself. It was wild! I asked myself a lot of things that have come into fruition today. I enjoy visually seeing the growth and knowledge that I’ve obtained as well. So this is it. As always, I hope something written here is inspiring and encouraging to all who read it.

To begin, I want to thank God for the ability to come to this moment. I know that it may seem cliche to say, but I don’t take it lightly that I was the girl who ultimately got every prayer she prayed for since I was 16 years old. I can honestly say that at about age 25, I had to begin praying for different things and different goals to reach because He had blessed me with the ones I’ve petitioned Him for already (except my chunky baby). Did I have faith enough to carry me here even if it didn’t come this soon? I would have hoped that I did…but God let these things come into my life early. Do you know what that tells me? It tells me that these things are light work to Him. These prayers were nothing for Him to answer for me which also tells me that my purpose, wholly, is not in these things but that these things are the catalysts to bring me into my complete purpose. And that is what I want to dive into.

I had a conversation recently with my mother about going into my 30’s. In that, I shared the moment that I felt an overwhelming confidence come over me within the last two weeks that I cannot explain entirely. Is it maturity? I’m sure there’s an obvious element of that. But I don’t take anything for face value and with my faith, I feel like God has placed a greater measure of confidence within me for an assignment I have yet to discover. In my human brain, I’m thinking confidence is needed in the areas that I already know God is calling me to dive deeper into. That being, ministry with both other believers in my church home and unbelievers I encounter when I’m working. I’m sure greater confidence is needed in the area of music and worship as it is still something that is in my heart to give to the world. These are just things that I can think of…but if I know anything about God, His ways are better than my ways and His thoughts are greater than my thoughts. Who can say but the Lord what this confidence is for? Just God.

In addition to the confidence, I have been inspired to elevate how I show up in the world for this next chapter. For example, I work with my sister-in-law on my husband’s side currently and I believe God has us together at the moment for me to visually see what those areas of womanhood look like and how it functions in the world on a daily basis. At first, I thought our working together was a great opportunity for friendship; however, what I am learning is more meaningful and longer lasting. Perhaps unbeknownst to her, she’s been exemplifying before me the extension of grace to others, temperament in trying situations, submission, how to show yourself friendly to strangers, and how to let go of things you otherwise cannot control. As a woman, these are things I’ve set my eyes on achieving because I’ve encountered women in times past, who’s inner beauty radiates so bright that it’s impossible not to compliment it when you see them. These kinds of women can stand in any room and with any person, rich or poor, and leave an impression that makes you smile. You remember these women, and you look for them when they are not around. That’s the kind of impression I’d like to make on people too.

In general, these are attributes that make your name great to man, but it also makes it pleasing to God because we entertain angels unaware all the time. Each day her and I spend; we laugh together but I am studying. Think of it this way…there are passages in the Bible where men who spent time in the company of prophets, all of a sudden began to prophesy as a result of it. In the same way, I can feel myself stretching and growing into the areas that she has already mastered in her womanhood. It’s inspiring and that is what good company is supposed to do. So, thank you Whitney, for allowing God to highlight your greatness before me so that I may glean :)

God has given me grace to grow. I sense it in my spirit, and I feel it in my heart. My 20’s were very confusing for me…like most are to most young adults. To be honest, I couldn’t wait to get out of my 20’s because I just wanted to be stable. I was very unstable in my mind, my goals, my love life, my friendships etc. I had low confidence because I couldn’t discern who was around me for monitoring purposes or to get something from me. I cried a lot in my 20’s. I did not handle life well and although I was not expected to by anyone, I wanted to. I wanted to be strong for people who weren’t praying strength for me. I wanted to love people hard who hardly loved me at all. I embarrassed myself and was embarrassed by people who thought I was something to take lightly and that weighed on me for years. But here I am standing at the door of 30 years old free from all of those experiences and memorials that I had built in my mind.

It was nobody but God who could have wiped away those kinds of tears. And yes, I had glimpses of His love through family members and a couple of friends that kept me from giving up on myself…but my 20’s were dark. Even in pictures of me smiling and in celebration, I can say that a lot of it was me faking the funk. The biggest thing that I’ve learned about myself was that I am not the person who can “fake it until they make it”. When I realized that, it freed me up. I dropped so much stress, my acne cleared up, and I could breathe deep breaths.

So, here’s to walking into my 30’s confidently, honorably and graciously. Here’s to the version of Rahdyah that aspires to embody the famous Proverbs 31 woman. A woman both intelligent and kind, an entrepreneur and a nurturer, submissive to her husband and highly respected in her community. I pray to be all of that, and I believe God that it will happen.

As always, thank you all for being here! Tell a friend to tell a friend that we’re over here thriving in our vulnerability. Sound off in the comments below what kinds of things you feel God is imparting into you for your next season! Until next time, God bless you