**Happy New Year readers! , it's been a while since I've posted so I won't make you wait any longer. I hope your holidays and new year was everything you planned it to be with your friends and family!**
I have to say, my 2020 has been such a roller coaster. It wasn't just because of COVID- 19 , but it was a collection of inadequacies that I thought about myself. So what do you do? What do you do when you have loads of ambition but no tools? What do you do when your education doesn't qualify you for the level you are on? What do you do when you constantly feel like an outcast in a room full of intelligent people? ... well I'll tell you what I did...
For a long time, and it's no secret, I battled with insecurity. Some days I still have confidence issues as any normal human being does. When it came to my music endeavors, I always felt three steps behind everyone else. I didn't grow up in a musical family. I didn't take piano lessons growing up. I wasn't an extremely extroverted child. I've had a hard time with basic study methods. Vocalizing anything really was a struggle for me and later stunted how I communicated with others in my adult life (we'll get to that in another blog) . A lot of my background, I felt, didn't give me the luxury to be where I am today as a new artist. I never just casually wanted help in learning new things, I knew I "needed" it.
With all that said, you can see how entering an industry where there are such legends and great talent, how I would feel a bit intimidated. I was and still am a girl who is truly just following a vision I had as a child. Some thought it a bit strange when I would do interviews and they'd ask the questions like "how did you get to this point of putting out your music and seeing the response." My only answer would be "I believe got to this point through a whole lot of prayer." It's been over a year since my first single "OKAY" dropped so I can now try to expound on that answer to make it more full but you understand where I'm going. Talking to God about where I should go and what I should do next was all I had in the beginning.
Since this blog is titled "Qualified." , I wanted to hopefully encourage someone feeling "behind" and let you know firsthand that you aren't and here's why:
My revelation in all of this was really understanding what "obedience" to God is.
Obey- to comply with or follow the commands, restrictions, wishes, or instructions of.
For one, at some point I chose to stop looking into where I felt I lacked because it wasn't helping my situation. In many ways, I felt God speaking to my heart. He was sharing with me everything that was happening, was because of the place he was trying to get me to. It became an ongoing conversation between us for years. When your'e in conversation with someone, it doesn't take just one person talking while the other just stands there. One person talks and the other is actively listening, then there is a response. Hypothetically, you are bouncing the ball back and forth to each other. I believe that is what God and I were doing. I didn't always know it was Him talking to me but if I felt a check in my spirit about something, I'd follow that.
I think it's important to state that I did go off course plenty of times. Sometimes making mistakes or wrong choices is what helps you understand the voice of God the most. How do we know what a Spring season is if we never experienced a Winter season? By the time the door was open for me to begin talking about my project "Walls", I intentionally took into account every point that led me to where I was. Physically, I was deemed incapable of many things according to your average singer or worship leader. I didn't make it to where I am today because of that knowledge and incredible skill others embody so well. I made it here because God wanted me to be here.
Case and Point
A lot of what we as believers go through and often overcome will not be a testament of how great we are in a certain area. It will be because God did it for us. What we overcome will most resonate and change the lives of others when they see that you had no road to become what you now confidently are. That is where God gets his greatest glory. I'm not saying we shouldn't study and work our crafts but what I am saying is that we must lean on God more than anything else. People I've met believe I've been singing solo and inspiring on a platform for years. I've only been doing this for two years.
In my prayer time, I had to ask God to connect me with people who could help pull these things out of me so that I can better serve him in the area he wants me to be in. I needed the help. He did just that. That is why I am how I am. I am not quick to do anything and I know that all things meant for me to be a part of will come in due time. Now that I know that man does not "qualify" me to do anything; but that it is God who gives me that validation, I am now learning to listen closer and see what is the next step for my life. I have many more levels to master in this music industry that I am excited to overcome. I have great plans of my own that I hope God will allow me to accomplish.
Wrapping it up
The biggest takeaway that I want to leave you all with is to keep your ears open while you pray and talk to God. A lot of the time we think prayer has to do with a lot of talking but it's actually a lot more listening. Being obedient to God opens the door for him to bless us with the things we desire. Be intentional and genuine with God always. You will see your greatest dreams begin to formulate. In those dreams will you recognize that you are not qualified because of anything you've done for man, but because of what you've done for God. Until next time, Blessings!